Celebrity “Orphans”

Thanks to my honey for passing on this comical piece about celebrity children:

Los Angeles, where the Federline children have been living, is one of the richest cities in the world, trapped in a seemingly endless cycle of depravity, narcissism, and veganism. Nearly 27 percent of the children in Los Angeles suffer the misfortune of having celebrity parents. Mr. and Mrs. M were stunned by the deplorable conditions these victims live in. Children are subject to verbal abuse via cell phone, and babies are dangled over balcony railings. “Fathers kill mothers, and then put out badly written books about it,” Mr. M said. “And the names these children must bear,” said Mrs. M. “Apple, Fifi Trixibell, Fuchsia, Moxie CrimeFighter, Pilot Inspektor, Sage Moonblood—what kind of future can these poor children have?”

Obviously a satire, although I admit I was surprisingly convinced at first. The Spears issues have been so stupid that I wouldn’t be surprised if this type of thing occurred. As it stands, though, it’s a pretty good social commentary! I think that it’s important to take note of how poor the children of celebrities are raised — that, in fact, people in poverty-stricken regions are liable to provide better parental support for their kids despite having a lack of resources to do so!

Also important, of course, is the commentary on the fact that the media is so up in arms about Britney Spears’ happenings. She’s a bit of a ditz, but isn’t liable to kill them off. Nonetheless, issues confronted in this piece — particularly the nudity within the media issue — has a strong emphasis on the moral upbringing on her kids, which likely is not too sound!


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Stephen
    Oct 09, 2007 @ 13:32:02

    Hold on a moment, I’m not sure this is a satire. The “hanging your child of the balcony” bit is a reference to a notorious Michael Jackson incident. So I googled Moxie Crimefighter and, sure enough, it’s a real celebrity baby name.

    As for Britney, she was photographed driving with her baby in her lap (i.e., no seatbelt, just waiting to be crushed between Britney and the steering wheel). Clearly you don’t spend enough time watching Entertainment Tonight or reading fanzines.


  2. Stephen
    Oct 09, 2007 @ 13:33:18

    OK, I should have read the article first. Yes, it’s a satire!


  3. nebcanuck
    Oct 09, 2007 @ 14:53:28

    lol, as I said… a bit of true, wholehearted social commentary combined with the more humorous exaggeration of Britney Spears having her children adopted by an African family. Good article! 😀


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