There’s a bit of a mystery attached to this post. I received it in an email from a colleague, labeled “Ottawa Citizen Mensa Invitational”. In fact, it doesn’t appear to originate with the Ottawa Citizen, but it’s still entertaining.
It’s a word game. The rules are: take any word from the dictionary; alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter; and supply a new definition.
For example, graffiti becomes giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
- Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
- Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
- Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
- Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
- Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
- Glibido: All talk and no action.
- Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn’t get it.
And my personal favourite:
- Karmageddon: It’s when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes, and it’s a serious bummer.
What’s the mystery? Via this blog, I learned that the contest is usually attributed to the Washington Post instead of the Ottawa Citizen.
And the Post never hosted a “Mensa Invitational”, though it did host a similar contest in 1998:
With mystifying regularity, we continue to receive … unsolicited entries to what’s sometimes called the “Mensa Invitational,” and most recently “Change a Letter, Change a Lot”: The results of Week 271 [the 1998 contest] have continued to orbit in cyberspace for almost 10 years, picking up forwarders’ own efforts along the way.
- Epigramp: A maxim that brands the speaker as an old codger: “If God had wanted women to wear pants . . .” (Brendan Beary)
- Eruditz: A philosophy professor who can’t figure out how to work the copying machine. (John Kupiec, Fairfax) (Perhaps that should be, theology professor)
- FAQu: The response to frequently asked stupid questions. (Ira Allen, Bethesda)
- Flimflame: To commit arson for the insurance money. (Howard Walderman, Columbia)
- Hasta la visa, baby: Gov. Schwarzenegger’s immigration reform slogan. (Cheryl Davis, Arlington)
- Hiltoon: A girl who has become a caricature of herself. (Tom Witte)
- Randiose: Given to excessive embellishment of one’s sexual appetite and conquests. (Tom Witte)
- Testiculate: To conspicuously readjust one’s package. (Tom Greening)
- Whomicide: Murdering the King’s English. (Chris Doyle, sent from Bangkok)
There are a lot of clever people out there!