Have you ever heard of a pick-up technique, the “neg”? Evidently the technique is well-known to pick-up “artists” :
For those who don’t know, the neg is a comment lobbed at a woman that knocks her off her pedestal. It is not an insult… well, actually, it kind of is (semantics). Who are we kidding? But it’s a playful insult, and some women secretly like being insulted. […]
Negs: turning your back to her, pointing out a flaw in her clothes, her hair, something, anything. “Hey your nose wiggles when you talk”. “Your lipstick is weird”. […]
Correcting body language is a great neg. I don’t like when people cross their arms, it’s a sign of anger, so when girls do it I tell them to uncross them. They always do, it’s a very alpha neg… and compliance test… […]
Black becomes white, up becomes down, cute becomes ugly – that 9 you would covertly beggar yourself for is suddenly seeking your smile, your good graces.
The writer is conflating two different results here. First, the “neg” is a put-down, which, in theory, causes the “girl” to seek the guy’s approval.
Second, the neg is an alpha behaviour which, the pick-up artist hopes, elicits the girl’s compliance. Now she is bending to your will; you have become the Master of your mutual destiny.
The whole, neanderthal scenario bugs me. Assuming that it actually works: but presumably it does, at least frequently enough for this to be a well-known pick-up technique.
The scenario bugs me for the woman’s sake. She is being manipulated, denigrated, used (although she herself may be seeking casual sex) and ultimately discarded.
And it bugs me for my sake, since I am a beta male. The implication is, beta males get less sex precisely because they’re too nice: too respectful.
The writer continues:
… the dreaded neg question — isn’t this proof that pickup is purest evil, that it is wrong […] to help the piles of beta males left behind by the sexual revolution?
There it is, explictly: beta males aren’t getting any. Or at least, they aren’t getting their fair share. So says the neg champion.
I’m quite capable of playing the role of the alpha male. I do it from time to time: with a colleague at work who is trying to push me around, for example; or some jackass that I encounter in a public space. I’m not a big man (rather the reverse), but I’m capable of being aggressive and I can be intellectually intimidating. Generally speaking, when I set out to browbeat someone, I succeed.
Thus I’m not a beta male by necessity; I’m a beta male by choice. I don’t feel that I have to be in control of people and situations for the sake of my ego. I believe in respecting people, including women. And I believe in building up other people’s self-esteem — not putting them down.
I deem it morally repugnant to manipulate someone so that s/he will do my bidding. I think presenting people with accurate information so that they can make informed decisions is the right thing to do.
Which is the very definition of a beta male, right? But I am what I am for reasons of conscience, not because I’m incapable of butting heads when I’m sufficiently motivated to do so.
I’ve never been one to “play the field”. In my adult life, I’ve had two, long-term relationships: sixteen years the first time; eleven years and counting this time around.
I’m not on the prowl for extramarital sex. But that doesn’t prevent me from noticing that women don’t often respond sexually to me. And I think the analysis quoted above has merit. Women don’t respond sexually because I don’t play the aggressive, manipulative, alpha male who wants to party without the complication of an emotional connection.
I suppose the pick-up artist is setting off my insecurities. And I shouldn’t let it bug me, since I’m in a perfectly fulfilling relationship. But hey, what’s a blog for, if not to bitch about the way things work in this crazy, mixed-up world?